Such a thin line between being an instrument and being your essence, self.
When I was meditating the other day I felt how I had lost the constant Sankalpa ( Intention ) that I always have had:
Being an instrument in this world, by giving and trusting that what I have to give will be guided and I’ll be channeling an energy that is selfless and meant to be.
And on the way I had felt that my Self – that Self that we feel as a character,
who has likes, dislikes a passion… for something, eager to fight for a wish – had been floating.
So while I sat there in complete silence I asked myself :
where is that fine line of acting selfless, being an instrument and not losing that spark that makes you, you.
No matter what I do I have always done it with love, energy and trust not caring about a strict like or dislike
… always open-minded, open-hearted.
The full moon took me on a ride.
Suddenly I realized that the very first Asana that I learned when I physically tried Yoga for the first time,
I couldn’t even do comparing to the ones I had learned years later, so I wondered why…
After a couple of minutes of flowing through movements and sounds,
I placed a pillow on the floor and exhaled while placing my hands on the matt.
I looked to the front and I couldn’t hold it longer than a second – out of nowhere I felt a guidance inside me,
a wave of trust that told me to look further than I would like to, to put the fear away…
suddenly my feet were off the ground.
Higher, calmer, stronger than I have ever before, even though my body has been lacking practice.
I exhaled one more time and nodded as if I was communicating with the universe.
” You gotta trust and for that, you need to look forward, further than you are willing to “
I kept moving, choosing to embrace the rush of feeling like overcoming something,
but not allowing it to control me.
At the end of my practice , I sat
” If you want to be heard, you have to be loud ” I heard.
press play .
‘ Note to self: Don’t seek to be relevant, or liked, seek to be undeniable. Seek to be compassionate. Seek integrity. Seek humility. Seek Light. ‘ – Man Bartlett
This new moon has been so much more intense than the past ones for me. Bringing me to a deep space of self reflection. Raw transparency is something that we forget to come back to –
since we focus so much on only showing perfection -something that isn’t just human.
The way our heart vibe flows up and down, it’s an organic expression of our human existence.
Perfectly “flawed” with curves rather than a straight line.
Noticing the way I’ve been trying to run away internally from thoughts, emotions and characteristics inside me –
when my attention and time is needed the most.
Always coming back to the raw truth, that if we don’t attend to a sign, we remain stuck.
As if hiding in a shell will teleport me somewhere.
As much as I have been ‘distracting’ or numbing myself from feeling ,
by the lack of sleep I’ve been getting or purposely ignoring my inner child’s way of communicating,
it simply shows how much room there is in practicing self love.
Sharing my experience, I’m listening to a clear energy of the need to let it out.
Even if this might be an egoistic reason,
I trust that the words we share and the vulnerability we show is a reflection of what we, as one, experience.
So if this snippet of what now and then goes on behind the colors, the art , the music ,
allows you to feel heard, safe or maybe even loved –
as I remember myself, on this new moon to live from the heart and be strong and get out of the enslavement of our mind.
Remember to seek light.
( shot by Patrick )